Riley pics!!!

While we were in Little Rock Megan worked her magic again and took some awesome pics of Riley!

It's always an adventure with Megan...in the best way! We headed to Burns Park to a great spot...on the way Megan and Riley argued about the silliest of things...at one point I felt like I had two toddlers in the car! Megan was egging Riley on and Riley was telling Megan "you can't talk to mommy that way"...thanks Riley for having my back! I had so much fun with these two girls!

The actual photo shoot brought tons of laughs as Riley's boisterous personality came to life....she is just such an awesome kiddo!

Here are some of my favorites!

Thanks Megan for spending time and sharing your amazing talent with us...unforgettable memories!

The Rock...

After our time in Atlanta we rode back with Jason's family to spend a week or so in Little Rock!

It was about a 10 hour drive and Riley did great...she napped and she did great going potty the whole time as well...I was a little worried about that!

Once we got to Little Rock we got Riley all set up in her "room"...which is the closet in the guest bedroom! It's great because there is plenty of room and we can both sleep in peace and quiet. I bought this PeaPod tent for her to sleep in while we travel now and it's worked out great. I ordered it and had it shipped straight to Atlanta...I had hyped it up and she was so excited about her tent!

She especially loved having her bedtime stories read to her by Bubba and Gaby!

Sunday we went back to our church, New Life. Oh how I miss it...we have a great church here but I will always miss New Life! We got to see lots of our great friends too and went to eat at Cheeburger Cheeburger after church!

Riley and Kaleb are just so cute together!

All the kiddos had a great time running around after lunch...Reed, Ashton, Riley, and Kaleb!

Riley is never in want for things to do or play with when we are at DiDi and Doc's house...

There are swings to swing on...

a playhouse to climb on...

a trampoline to jump on...

and the best aunt and uncle to always play with her! Soon there will be a pool to swim in but this trip DiDi and Riley just pretended to swim in the pool!

I went back to work while we were in Little Rock and DiDi had fun playing with Riley all week. I had Cookie to cuddle with me and keep me company...

Riley and DiDi made almost daily trips to Chik-Fil-A to have lunch and meet new friends to play with!

We got to see some of our dearest friends while we were there...

Monday we went over to Megan's house for dinner and to help her decorate for Christmas!

There was some book reading...

and some Christmas tree decorating...Megan has the most decorations of anyone I know and it was so fun to help her get them all out. We spent several hours and didn't even put a dint in getting her house decorated! Thanks for a fun night and a great dinner Megan!

Tuesday night we went to one of CJ's basketball games!

Riley had a blast sitting with all her "friends"!

By halftime she had gotten to know the entire group of the 8th grade girls basketball team and was hanging out with them. I wasn't sure if they were digging it so I asked her to come sit by me and she said "I'm talking with my friends mom"...LOL!

I told CJ after the game that Riley was scoring him some brownie points with the girls...after all it was in the 9th grade that a certain red head would carry around his oh so cute 1 year old brother to get the girls to swoon on him. It worked on me! Now that cute 1 year old is 14 and his niece is helping to get the girls to swoon him...funny how that works! CJ is a stud though...inside and out so he doesn't really need any help from Riley! ;)

Wednesday we went to Scott and Laurie's house for dinner and got to get in some cuddle time with little Logan. I got to meet Logan when we were in College Station but I didn't get to hold him.

Riley was soooooooooooo sweet with him. She would talk in this sweet voice and he would just stare at her...what a sweet girl!

She wanted to help Scott hold the bottle for Logan!

Me and Laurie with our screaming kiddos...one happy and one not so much!

Thursday night I got to have a third wheel date with the Welch's...our super fun friends who are moving to Little Rock next spring. It just so happened that they were "house hunting" in Little Rock while I was there so I showed them around and we went to dinner at Trio's...one of my favorite places...yummy!

Friday Riley got to do some really fun stuff!

First off included a trip to Gaby's classroom where she got to meet their class bunny Oreo!

Then DiDi took her to meet Santa Claus at the mall...I was told that she talked Santa's ear off and I don't have a hard time believing that!

Friday evening we went to the Barnard's house to have dinner and do some more playing!

Deacon and Riley had so much fun together...there was lots of laughing, jumping, screaming, and dancing...what more could a kid want?

Saturday was a busy day!

We started off at Arkansas Children's Hospital to have breakfast with Santa with my friend Andrea and her family!

Me and Andrea

Riley got to write a letter to Santa!

Riley and Kaleb got to make reindeer food!

Then we headed outside where the kids got to get on a firetruck!

There might have been some sleigh riding!

There was definitely a visit with Santa...what a fun morning!

After breakfast with Santa we headed to Gaby's basketball game and Riley got to cheer for her!

After a quick nap I got Riley all ready so Megan could take her pictures...I'll post those seperately! We had a great time and enjoyed a fun dinner at Loca Luna...another of my favorite places!

Sunday we went to church, had lunch at Damn Goode Pies with the Burns, and spent the rest of the day relaxing!

Riley thought it would be fun to make a fort in the living room and when we video chatted with Jason she wanted to take him in her fort...it was so sweet!

Sunday evening I got to attend the small group Christmas party for our old small group. It was a lot of fun and I just loved getting to spend time with some of greatest friends!

Ashley, Andrea, Me, Laurie, and Tara

We headed home the next Tuesday and had an awesome sunset to view as we headed back to the West coast!

A special to thanks to Jason's family for taking such good care of us and to all the great friends we got to see and spend time with...it was a good trip!

Giving Thanks...

Well I'm back to update on the last few weeks. It's been so hard to face losing Cactus but I can tell that time helps. We had a great time with family and I want to update all about that.

As soon as we arrived in Atlanta we headed to the hospital and Jason's family drove straight there as well. All the kids went with Aunt Barbara or "Beba" and Aunt Maria and they had a lot of fun. Everyone else stayed at the hospital with me.

The night with the Aunts went well...I had briefed Beba on Riley's routine knowing that Riley would remind her of anything I forgot...and that she did. Riley was stoked to see Bubba and Gaby and they all had fun playing and eating dinner.

From what I remember Bubba and Gaby were fast asleep before Riley and the Aunts followed her routine until they came to a halt when Riley asked for her music. That's the one thing I forgot to tell Beba and I had planned on using the playlist on Riley's iPhone (my old one) for her music. Maria started singing to Riley while Barbara quickly got some music going on their computer since we were staying in the guest bedroom / office. It all worked and they were able to get Riley to sleep...everyone survived and had fun!!! Riley is one lucky girl to have such great family!

The next day we laid low...it seemed like every day while we were in Atlanta it took me until noon to get me and Riley dressed but luckily we did a lot of relaxing and chilling so no worries.

We did have a special birthday to celebrate...Bubba turned 14...craziness! I have known this boy since he was 1 and now he's 14...how time flies!

We had dinner at Pappasitos and it was delish...I was sad Jason missed it because he's always trying to get in a Pappasito's fix when he can!

Here's the LoRusso kids with Grandpa Joe...CJ, Lance, Frank, Maria, and Joe.

Here's the rest of us gals...Barbara, Gaby, Desiree, Michelle, me, and Riley

It was this night that Riley discovered the magical powers of a napkin turning her into Super Riley...she loved it!

When we got home we had to sing to CJ and eat some ice cream cake!

I'm pretty sure these girls were excited about the cake!

We were all talking in the kitchen and I peeked around the corner to check on Riley and caught her in the act...I love this girl!

The next day was Thanksgiving...Riley and Gaby did some painting on the porch that morning!

This was Riley's picture...when I asked her what she was painting she said "I'm making a picture of Cactus for you Mommy"...so sweet!

Lance and Barbara did a great job of feeding us...I didn't really help much as I was just trying to keep myself together and get dressed before we ate...again so thankful for our family!

Here's some of the gang before we ate...

The LoRusso fam...

After our Thanksgiving meal Riley decided she wanted a horsey ride...glad Bubba was there to play horsey instead of me! :)

That evening we all hung out around a nice fire outside...it was a perfect night for it...roasting marshmallows was a must!

Maria helping Riley roast her marshmallow!

Lance got a proper introduction to Caillou and endured an entire episode with Riley on the couch...we exchanged a few funny emails with Jason while this was going on because Caillou is not Jason's favorite!

Thanksgiving in Atlanta always means doing some shopping the day after...we are never crazy enough to get up early though! We headed to some outlet malls this year and it was fun.

Here's me and my shopping buddy!

Gaby and Riley did great shopping with the big girls all day...as a treat they got to ride this tow truck!

All of us girls headed to Applebee's afterwards for dinner and then home to snuggle and get warm as it got super cold that day!

Obviously it was a rough couple days for me but I am so thankful for the great family we have and we really had some good times with everyone.

I love this girl and she loved all the attention!

Next up...our trip to Little Rock!

Hard Times...

After having such a text book pregnancy with Riley we never imagined this one would be that different. There is a constant sense of worry from the moment you find out your pregnant regardless of what kind of history you may have had...and it never goes away...we will always worry about our kids!

I started having complications just a few days after Jason left on his deployment and I was panicked because I had never experienced anything like this with Riley. I wasn't scheduled for my first ultrasound and ob visit until I was 10-12 weeks and I called the OB nurse explaining what was going on and she said they were not alarmed but that if I needed peace of mind I would have to go to the ER. By the second day I decided I wanted to take a trip to the ER because with Jason gone both of our nerves were on edge and we wanted to know what was going on. So Tuesday, November 16th I took Riley to school and then went to the ER. I was seen rather quickly but ended up being there ALL DAY LONG! My sweet friend Nicki made it just in time to come to radiology with me for the ultrasound and I'm so thankful she was there. I could not see the ultrasound screen but she could and as soon as she saw Cactus she gave me a grin and whispered "it looks good" and my heart stopped pounding out of my chest. I felt peace...she saw the heart beating and the heart rate was around 125. When the ultrasound tech was done she handed me this picture and all my nerves were calmed.

I still had to have more tests done and the end result was that the baby looked great, it was measuring right on track, and all my labs were normal. They did, however, discover that I had a bacterial infection which is common in pregnant women due to the influx of hormones. I was put on antibiotics for a week and I could see things starting to improve by the end of the week.

That weekend the same complications started to creep back and I was alarmed but I wasn't sure how quickly the antibiotics should work and kick this infection to the curb.

Riley and I had a fun weekend and we were getting ready to leave on our trip to Atlanta and Little Rock for Thanksgiving and the week after!

Monday, the night before we left, my complications started getting worse and I wasn't sure what to do. Completely on pins and needles, I decided to get on the plane and head to Atlanta and get checked out once we arrived. We had a pretty uneventful trip and arrived safe and sound. Jason's aunts took care of Riley for the night and it was back to the ER for me. We were there until the wee hours of the morning and this time I left with the devastating news that our baby, Cactus, no longer had a heartbeat and that my complications were the beginning of a miscarriage.

It was extremely hard to get this news and not be in Jason's arms. I had to email him and tell him what happened and shortly after he was able to call me. I am very grateful that I was with family...Jason's mom was with me in the hospital the entire time.

The first few days were extremely rough...physically I was not in much pain but emotionally it was heartbreaking. I know the stats and unfortunately I am aware that this happens to many women, but I never fully understood just how painful it was. We lost a baby...a baby that we already loved so much.

We have received so many prayers and kind words and are getting through this as best as we can. Jason and I have been able to talk so much and he has been such a great support despite the many miles apart. Being around just family those first few days was a blessing...I felt like I was in a safe place where I didn't have to face situations that would have been very difficult. Despite this sad news we had a good Thanksgiving and lots of good times with the LoRusso family.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving Riley and I rode back to Little Rock with the LoRusso's and we have been here since. Again I am grateful we have had this time to be with family...for me to have the help with Riley and the time to see some of our great friends from our time here in Little Rock, several of whom who have also suffered a loss like this.

It is so hard to go from being pregnant one moment to not being pregnant the next but having nothing to prove for it. I find that some of the hardest things are the little things that I am now able to do that I wasn't able to do when I was pregnant. I still want to protect Cactus even though Cactus is now with Jesus. God has given us a sense of peace about all of this and we know that His plan is best...we may not understand but we know.

God has used Riley in amazing ways these past few weeks as we've dealt with this. She obviously knew about Cactus since that was her name for the baby so I had to tell her that Cactus was not in my belly anymore. She actually expressed remorse and sadness but I told her that Cactus was in Heaven having fun with Jesus. The day after Thanksgiving we were driving in the neighborhood and she saw a nativity scene in someone's front yard and said "Look Mommy...it's baby Jesus and Cactus...and they're having fun." Today while we were in the car she started talking about how much she loved me, how much her Daddy loved her, and how Jesus loved her and wants to give her kisses. My heart was already overflowing with her amazing faith at such a young age, but she kept going. She then said "Jesus loves Cactus soooooo much. Jesus and Cactus are way up high in Heaven. I want to ride an airplane and go see Jesus and Cactus. Cactus isn't in your belly anymore mommy. Poor Cactus." I never knew my heart could hurt yet be so full all at the same time. Through all of this, I can't express how thankful we are for the blessing of Riley. I never thought I could be more thankful for her but this experience has allowed me to feel that way.

So many of you have sent us sweet words and lifted us up in prayer and we couldn't be more thankful. We have great friends and family and are so blessed.

Here are some scripture verses that people have shared with me through this:

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
Psalms 34:18

"The Lord will work out His plans for my life - for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
Psalm 138:8

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

The song Glory Baby by Watermark has been dear to my heart lately too...

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

We know that through this we will be stronger but it doesn't mean there won't be difficult times.